A friend of mine from high school posted this [on Facebook] a few weeks ago, and then another (very dear friend - regardless of the severe time and distance between us) posted it today. 


Rather than sharing on Facebook, I want to post it here - not only because it's awe-inspiring and some amazing work by God - but because It stunned me mute. It's also a holy-shit-moment in contrast to my post just below about Grandmama. I can't imagine...but I bet she can ♥. 




Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

Mourning the loss, celebrating the life...

Tomorrow will mark a month, one month. I don't need to hear "she's in a better place". She is, I know that, and am genuinely thankful for it. I would never wish a single moment more of suffering only to keep her in my world. And I don't wish things to be different - I believe they are as they should be. Still I miss her every minute and with every fiber, cell, and particle I own.   

This is what I created to be shown at her service; thanks to my dear friend, Wayne, for helping me with the process and creating (with repeated and earnest effort) an extended version to include music from her funeral and two additional songs...just because I wanted them there :). 

Hen's Teeth

(Photo found on Google: http://tinyurl.com/cluckingbrood)

I mentioned previously that I was invited to co-author a collaborative blog: Hen's Teeth. I was asked by Nance - a friend who is also the mother of (stay with me) a girl (Paula) who was my dear friend when I attended Socastee High in Myrtle Beach. The Air Force life granted many gifts, and the M family (Nance, Bill, Paula, Marc, and Snickers) was/is certainly one them. I like to think of Nance as a mentor, despite the fact I've been somewhat of an absent student. She writes with eloquence, wisdom, wit, heart, and conviction. More importantly (to and for me), she is loving, supportive, and willing to push me when she sees fit. Back to the ladies...  I'm honored to be a part of this brood of hens, and find them each to be uniquely lovely. The About tab explains the concept of the blog perfectly.


Late and last to the game, I have finally posted over there (How's my hair?).  If you are so inclined, please click over and take a look around - we would love to have you! If you dig something you read, please leave a comment (!)...we adore them and it's the only way we know you (specifically) were there! Otherwise, you may lurk (Nance's word) at your leisure.

Untitled

I began a post last Saturday about my grandmother - about how she was doing, and what had been taking place over the last few weeks. I intend to complete that post (soon), shifting it into a before & after. The 'after' is now necessary as she left us yesterday morning just before 2:45am. 

 ~ Martha Elizabeth ~ 

Link to obituary

I know and understand there is joy and grace to be found in her finally being relieved of her suffering and of the life that was ultimately no life at all. I know she is now with her mother whom she has missed deeply and intensely since her passing, and I believe she is now free from all illness, pain, and worry. Intellectually, I know these things. Emotionally, I'm not there. There is no right or wrong place to be; we each grieve differently. Where I am now...is not past the point of her being gone..not past counting days and hours. When I drove by the nursing home yesterday evening at 8:40pm, I could only think that I had been with her at that exact time the day before. ...She was just there. 


In the space I'm in right now, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that we knew it was coming, or that it was inevitable. I'm calm in one moment and fall spectacularly and uncontrollably to sobbing pieces the next. She has been a constant in my life and has filled more space in my heart than I can survey. Her role has been more than that of a grandmother which is so difficult to measure/express personally, because she was such a special grandmother to all of us - I wasn't alone in receiving that incredible gift. 

Last week I was nearly yelling at God; I slammed my hand on my steering wheel and cried out loud wanting to understand why she was here and suffering. And now He's taken her.. She's at peace, she's whole, walking, and well. I should be beeping the horn and shouting in thanksgiving, finding comfort in resolution. 
Instead, I find difficult to breathe and my heart is shattered. 

I added a tag cloud out of curiosity; it's to right of this post → somewhere over there. No surprise. Even in the life of my writing, she has been the main character. And because there is *life* in my writing, my first task was to compose her obituary. Contradictory? Not really. It is an announcement of her death, but a statement about her life. There are letters to various caretakers at NHC to follow, but for the moment, I'm here. Not the most consistent writer in the Land of Blog, but beginning this very personal process... 
Learning how to live without her. 

Speaking of which...

"What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson 

"I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him." ~ Galileo Galilei

"Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it." 

~ Michel de Montaigne

"Actions lie louder than words." ~ Carolyn Wells

And from Robert Frost...

The rose is a rose,

And was always a rose. 

But the theory now goes

That the apple's a rose,

And the pear is, and so's

The plum, I suppose.

The dear only know

What will next prove a rose.

You, of course, are a rose--

But were always a rose.

Lastly, cutting from an e-mail...and quoting my dear friend, Shauntice:

"Love is not supposed to be confusing, angry, hurtful, and it certainly isn't unsure." 

She was spot on with everything she wrote in the e-mail that contained that sentence, which for me, was quotable.  Love will be sure, for sure.  

Signed,

Always a Rose

Treading water. With a brick.

Completely endearing...I adore this [see clip].

It's the reason this song is in my iTunes library. 

It makes my heart happy.  And so I'm posting it in lieu of writing...because my writing might lean back a bit toward bitter and I don't like the taste of that.  Rather than hindsight being 20/20, I [somewhat painstakingly] appreciate the reality checks that come when most needed.  I almost forgot what I'm supposed to remember, and was this close to acknowledging that I miss...  Doh! Saved by a text message. 

You watch the video, and I'll be over here...putting something cool on this sting. 

Bama Boy

Near the end of this post, I mentioned an upcoming bet concerning the Alabama/Kentucky game. 

Final score: Alabama 38, Kentucky 20. 

The Wildcat fan wore the shirt in his mother's and step-father's home, for the picture (flanked by blue of course), and the entire 7 hour drive home from Kentucky.  The shirt may be a bit weathered, but I think it works.  Made him look like a real fan...like he's been wearing it for years.   

Roll Tide! 

Hello, my name is Simon...

As previously mentioned, I lost a bet (read: was hoodwinked) which resulted in my having to prepare seven dinners for Jason last week. Thankfully, the bet ended Sunday. Though I was fleeced, I held up my end and did so with a bit of finesse & variety - forcing him out of his usual ground beef-frocked diet of spaghetti and Hamburger Helper. To be fair, we both ate better than we typically do. To be honest, as an unmarried + childless, petless girl...I was a tad frazzled by the more intense, albeit temporary, schedule. My weekdays consist of work + colorguard practice or nursing home duty...landing me home around 7pm. (The beneficiary goes to bed by 8:30pm on work nights.) Eventually, I acclimated; he said he could "definitely get used to this" (as he casually sipped his beer and watched Pass Time on SPEED channel). Not a chance. My married and/or child-ful friends say..."welcome to my world". I say: not yet ;). I may get an apron though and wear it on Wednesdays.

It's in my nature to document, and more so to photograph. As consistently whined about, my camera has been sick. Some of the plates/presentations last week were really quite lovely (especially the last one). As an alternative, I opted to draw the menu for this post. As it turns out, I'm a wretched sketch artist. It's really quite bad. ...But funny-bad.

(Click to enlarge)

 

Original Simon (chalk drawings)...

SNL Simon with Mike Myers...

Swindled

Though it's early in the season, I've commenced with the gameday bets; had fun with them last year. Of course, everything is better when Alabama is having a good season. Traffic lights are always green, cereal never gets stale, and the clouds are shaped like goal posts and elephants.

The VA Tech game, though a little close for comfort, was fun b/c I have quite a few high school friends who went to or are fans of Tech. Recent reconnects on Facebook made for some delightful smack-talk in the weeks leading up to the game. The bet was simple. Joey, a high school friend, had to change his [Facebook] profile picture to the UA logo of my choosing following a Bama win. There is a bit more to the story - and it was a combined effort with Mollie and Meghan as guiding forces - but that's the gist. In truth...because of the way the stakes came about, I really had nothing to lose...though I'm sure Ray (another high school friend and Tech alum) would still be giving me crap. The screen shot below is of Joey's page. I just checked back, and though he could have done so last Thursday...he has yet to change from the Bama logo. In his heart of hearts, he must truly love the Crimson Tide. It's been fun to reconnect with these friends...they were great people in high school (I genuinely thought so...of each of them) and I really like the adult versions of them as well. Doesn't always turn out that way.

North Texas. I have a sweet and lovely friend from work, Sandra, who went to North Texas... We discussed setting up some terms, but never decided on anything. It's North Texas; I didn't push it.
Upcoming contests. I have two Razorback friends (Brenna and Amy)...I'll touch base with them this week. Jason and I have a bet set up for the Kentucky game. Could be painful and involves a Kentucky flag in my front yard and drinking out a UK cup on command; the flip side...he wears a UA shirt into his step-father's home (a photo will be taken); he may be disowned. Seems fair.
Speaking of Jason and betrayal... Saturday night, I cleanly won two games of darts. We played a third game. If I won, he would buy the oil + filter...and change Sipsey's oil this week. If he won (after having just lost two games straight), I would have to make dinner for him each night for one week (beginning yesterday). He began swiftly, adeptly (and promptly I might add) kicking my ass. Shark. He swears he got lucky. Hustler. I've seen him clear a pool table; I'm not sure I'm buying it. I should have known right then; blame it on the ah ah ah ah alcohol.
I burned the taco shells last night...maybe if I keep burning things...
Red beans & rice + cornbread tonight.

Pardon the cliche'...

There is someone for everyone. You'll find it/him when you stop looking. You'll find it/him when you least expect it. All things happen in good time. All good things happen in God's time. Walk your own path. What is right for one person, may not be right for another. We each have our own timeline... There is no right answer. There is no wrong answer. Each dark cloud has a silver lining. There is always something to be learned... You'll find him... Your "prince" will come.

Be independent. Be able to change your own tire. Be able to drive a stick shift. Be self-sufficient in all ways. Though you may need to at some point, organize and prepare yourself so that you don't have to depend on anyone for anything. Don't assume you can trust anyone. Keep your guard up. Take care of yourself. Be cautious. Get a pet.

Be sure you're open... Give him a chance. Give it a chance. Don't give up on it. Be patient. Be aware that what you thought you were looking for, may not be what God has in mind for you. Let your guard down a bit... In order to get something different than what you've had, you'll have to do something different than what you've done.

Love conquers all. If you love something, set it free... All is fair in love and war. Love is blind. Love is a many splendored thing. It's better to have loved and lost... Love is a battlefield. Love is just love.

Dammit.