Request & Dedication - Liar, Liar

Dear Casey,

You know how you can have a song with someone, yes? ...Right...your show is more or less dedicated to the concept.  

Since I was 15 or 16 I've had a song with a boyfriend from that time [period], and because the "relationship" has continued in various (and wildly unhealthy) forms over the past 21 years, we've collected enough music for a soundtrack. (21 years...? That's an entire person-who-can-drink long. I've no idea how that happened.) 

This guy - who, for the purpose of this letter (and in the interest of accuracy), we'll call Liar, Liar - was my first love. I thought I might think differently of it/him later in life, but even still - having experienced other relationships, he remains my first true love. (My apologies for the gooey use of the word "true"; there was no way around it.) I wish I could explain the relationship - if only for my own benefit. 

Liar, Liar's particular magic - is actually magic. He disappears and reappears every 2-3 years - like clockwork. ..Like clocks that measure time specifically in 24-36 month spans. It's really quite impressive. It's also insane. (I trust there's no need to review the definition of insanity.) While social media has certainly made his biennial popping-out-of-the-woodwork easier, he maintained it prior to Facebook - prior to Myspace and Classmates, even. This is no easy task as I just might be a nomad. 

He's reappeared recently - figuratively (e-mail, text, phone). I haven't seen him and have no plans to do so. I'm the girl here, Casey, and I [admittedly] act like one when it comes to him - a stupid girl. I respond to the e-mail, the phone call, the carrier pigeon. I contribute - and that's on me. Initially, it was simply hard not to.. I was always drawn back toward him. That first-love bullshit had a hold on me, on my heart, and so I responded. Each time, it ended badly. And each *next* time, he worked hard to convince me he had changed - grown. There were [routinely] 3-4 hour conversations each night...conversations turned speeches, one bumper-sticker shy of a campaign. Inevitably, we would circle back to our teenage love and reflect on our story - and I'd be willing to try again. Because I can be an idiot. Once you know the difference though, it's not making the same mistake twice or three times - it's a choice. A bad choice, a poor decision. 

I'm content to say that this time is different. The first-love hold is no longer there and if I talk to him, it's because I want to. It turns out though that if I don't engage, he behaves quite differently (profound, Amanda). It's liberating - to be able to take it or leave it. Even better, to have no real interest. And it's nice to not feel stupid...falling for the same song and dance (he's a good dancer) and then punishing myself for having done so - again. In the grand scheme, the relationship is an important one. It has shaped a few things for me and though, like college, it took me much longer than it should have...I did learn quite a lot. 

Our on-again/off-again soundtrack of 21 years has some great music from the 90's, some excellent slow-dance songs, a little Blue October, and some other songs that made sense for us, even if we didn't. I'm terribly sentimental, so I'll keep the soundtrack. In a box. We have a new song though and if he ever reads this (erm...hears your show), then I suppose he'll know about it too.

Casey, please play I Never Knew You by the Avett Brothers for Liar, Liar - who I'll always care about, but never need to see again.

Sincerely,
Amanda

(Pardon the poor video - the album is a bit new and there isn't anything better posted. Yet.)

Comments make me happy. Do it. Great big bowls of love.. ~ A

Patricia

Not our best photo...I'll have to deframe and scan my favorites!

I have had this on my mind for a few weeks now and I'm excited to be getting around to it :). I'll count it as my second Request & Dedication (minus "Request" since it's not applicable - I have yet to come up with a clever name).

In 1995...through colorguard at Bama...I met Patricia. I remember one of our first conversations sitting out on the field...we'll say - near the 20 yard line - and just talking; fiddling with the grass. At the time...it (the conversation) was about a boy. I'm sure it often was.

She was a constant in my Tuscaloosa experience...and someone whom I learned so much from. Much of it came to light later for me, but it did eventually come. Though a student of social work, I think it's fair/honest to say...that I majored in colorguard. Most of my memories certainly include her...we traveled together, practiced and performed together, drove through looking at Christmas lights (woo-hoo!), attended and hosted parties, shared holidays & music...and laughed. Her family welcomed me into their home for a lovely Christmas (?) one year; her mother gifted me baby muffin pans - which I still have a crush on :). Baby muffins...what's not to adore? ...And each time I returned to Tuscaloosa before the dorms re-opened from the holidays (typically to prepare for a bowl game peformance), she allowed me a place to crash.

I helped her move to Jacksonville, FL...and was honored to be a part of her wedding. We drifted apart during what I unaffectionately term the "year from hell' in Charlotte. I'm quite sure the drifting was mine to claim, as I was remarkably unhappy. However...a bright and very special event during that time...was an unexpected gift from a thoughtful, generous, and expecting-nothing-in-return Patricia. There was a necklace of hers which I had admired for YEARS. Patricia sent it to me while living in Charlotte...to help me through that time. It reached my heart in a way - and through a path - which I certain was closed for extended renovations. To this day, it (the necklace) is one of my most prized positions and also remains one of the best unexpected gifts I've received. I'm certain that people come in and out of our lives - leaving their distinctive impression - for specific reasons/periods of time. To that end, she educated me as only she could...and was someone I looked up to (and still do) in terms of ambition, discipline, and continued growth.

I've missed her...and we've written a bit recently. I am hopeful...and prayerful...in our rekindling...and hope to fill the place in my heart earned & reserved specifically for this special friendship.

Rather than a song...I am dedicating a (1) a favorite video of ours, and (2) a favorite commerical. Hope you love them, Pattywak!

At Least We've Come This Far

So I mentioned some time ago that I want to dedicate this space (every now and again)...to a little "Request & Dedication" action... a-la Casey Kasem. I've had several ideas which have been quieted by busy. I'm all set for this one though...:).

Out of respect for this new relationship and others who are directly (or indirectly) involved...I won't share many details; not via blog anyway. I would like to introduce those of you who don't know....to Allison. As you can see, we fell from the same tree. Same tree, different...fertilizer.

(Allison and her husband, Andy)

We met for the first time when I was 16, and she was 18.... For various reasons (vaguely understood by us), we've never been able to have a relationship. At 31 and 33...now separate from past circumstances, we're trying "us" on...and giving this sisterhood a shot. Last night, we talked for 7 hours, nearly 8 actually.

I drove (to her home) yesterday evening as Amanda...just, Amanda (read: only child). ...And left with the knowledge/awareness that...potentially (by choice & effort)/technically/and actually... I have 2 nephews, a niece, and a brother-in-law. ...And most importantly, a sister (who was also raised/identifies herself as an only-child). Pretty bizarre considering those words (nephew, etc.) have not previously been a part of my vocabulary...outside of my honorary aunt-ships for my close girlfriends and their little ones (whom I love!).

On with the Request & Dedication to Allison... (Though I'm providing the song myself...which makes it just a...dedication; I'll have to come up with a more clever name.) There is a song by Relient K...entitled "At Least We've Made it This Far". Subtracting the inapplicable romantic overtones; we have come from very different places, and yet we have made it "this far"...to this place - where we are now. And though we [collectively] have more questions than we do answers, and though we're both entering in cautiously...I feel so good about this possibility, our possibility. While it (the song) acknowledges the pain that comes with uncertainty and doubt...which we've experienced as well, the main tone (to me anyway) is sweet & hopeful. ...And I'm hopeful for us.

Love.

To listen to the song...